Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late To Save Your Relationship / Marriage

All relationships go through difficult times. Don’t let your relationship become a statistic if you believe your relationship is worth improving or saving. 

In 2020, 56% of separations were couples who had been together ten years or less.

 In 2020, 27% of couples separating had been married over 20 years. (Australian Bureau of Statistics Divorces Australia – Catalogue No. 3307.0, 3307.0.55.001).

Marriage/couple counselling can support your journey before it reaches its ultimate phase. It provides a safe space to be yourself, to be heard and seen by your partner and to have the difficult conversations necessary to move forward. You will discover your roadblocks and address them; you will be introduced to communication tools, resulting in your feeling more connected. Your relationship can begin to revive.

Some Reasons for Marriage/Relationship Difficulties & Seeking Marriage/Couple Counselling

1. Betrayal of Trust:

The sudden discovery of emotional or physical infidelity, unfaithfulness, adultery, or extramarital relations can come as a deep shock…To find out that someone you have trusted for years has lied to you can cause you agonising pain similar in intensity to the death of a family member or someone close. You probably will suffer a deep sense of loss – grieving not only for the loss of the relationship, but also for your future plans come crashing down. You may not be sure you can resolve the situation between you, whether you can forgive and start again. Because you are so full of despair, fear and disappointment.

Marriage counsellors are experts in helping and guiding couples through this journey.

Why close the door to the possibility of saving your relationship? Marriage counselling can provide an opportunity to really hear your partner, who may see the relationship from a different perspective to yours.

So even though you may have a sense of trepidation, seek help from a qualified marriage/couples therapist.

2. Intimacy Problems:

Usually this is the result of lack of connection, poor communication, loss of affection or loss of libido. A marriage therapist will teach you both to identify negative patterns of thinking, and the root causes of such patterns. Learning the tools to communicate clearly, with honestly, empathy and care can be a catalyst to improving intimacy. These tools can be applied to other problems such as finances, schedules, children, extended family and life transitions. The therapist’s goal is for you and your partner to address these problems calmly, minimising conflict.

3. Addiction:

There are no easy answers about what do to if you are married to someone with an addiction. You have watched as the person you love has changed and struggled as a result of their addiction. You have also likely experienced firsthand the impacts of their addiction – the lying, the emotional distancing, the professional or legal implications.

Addiction is a disease that fundamentally alters the brain; it takes more than simple willpower to overcome it.  If your spouse really wants to save the marriage, your partner needs to seek professional help. A combination of therapies, targeted lifestyle changes, and the introduction of new coping mechanisms are usually necessary for people to successfully recover. Relapses are common amongst those recovering from addiction, and it can take time to feel stable in recovery.

4. Depression

If you’re feeling despair most of the time, it could be depression related to your relationship. It might not be like it used to be. Something feels “off” and lifeless… numb. It’s called situational depression. 

If you woke up tomorrow and magically felt better, what would have changed? If the answer has to do exclusively with your relationship, it is likely that is what is behind your depression. 

Some of the common symptoms isolating from your spouse, lack of interest in couple activities, intimacy and sex, spending more time away from your home, irritability, detachment and avoidance of difficult conversations.

5. High-conflict Relationships

Every couple has relationship problems. But if fights are a hallmark of your relationship, it’s urgent to seek the help of a marriage counsellor.

Over time, frequent conflict causes a breakdown in trust, communication, and emotional safety, all of which can fuel depressive symptoms.

If you are constantly fighting with your partner and your home doesn’t feel safe, your brain will sense danger and constantly pump cortisol (the stress hormone) throughout your body. When this goes on for a long time, chronic illnesses may emerge for one or both of the partners.

Your therapist will teach you the rules and skills of “fighting fair” and if you both are motivated to change, your differences of opinion will be managed with calm and ease.

These are not all the reasons couples may seek professional help with their marriage relationship. However the fact is that if both partners are willing to do “the work” with their marriage/couple therapist, there is hope of healing your marriage.